"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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