he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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