So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
