her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
MIDGETS
????
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
