Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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