sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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