I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
