pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
