last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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