don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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