you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
