Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
