Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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