Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
