I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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