I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
