how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
