we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
