Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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