I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
