my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
