dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
