Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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