I met the friendliest cop last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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