did you get engaged???
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
