can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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