Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize