Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
