Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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