You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
