its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
