Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
