I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
