i barfeds in our rink
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
