Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
