When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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