I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize