Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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