I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize