She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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