I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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