i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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