what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
