I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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