Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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