I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
