So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
