This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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