I want to stick my p in your. b.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
