I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't put those talents on a resume
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
