were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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