We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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