if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
