I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
