I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
