my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
