just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
