so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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