can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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