he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
