I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
what the fuck happened to the tacos
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
