so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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