Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
