im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
