Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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