Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
