I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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