if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
