Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
