is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
