And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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