for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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