By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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